Jesus is an asshole!

And now we have proof. You can see here that yes, he is everywhere, which is something we've said wasn't true. We'll take the hit on that one. But more important is what he's actually doing while he's everywhere.

Check out the video here: Jesus is Everywhere

Happy Birthday, Kulrak!

Yes, one of the co-founders of #jesus_sucks_dick turned 33 today, and we here at the antichristian news desk would like to take this opportunity to wish him a good one. I understand that Rex has removed Jesus from under his desk and packed him up...and he is currently inhabiting a rat-infested shipping crate to Australia so that Kulrak can get some of that good down-home savior lovin'. He'll still have to pay the $5, but what could be a better birthday present than the rotting corpse of Jesus covered in rats? In addition, I understand that Jesus is going to do a rousing rendition of Marilyn Monroe's "Happy Birthday" buck naked with a candle sticking out of his fully erect penis. Wouldn't you like to be there when Kulrak blows out THAT candle, faithful readers?

Happy birthday, motherfucker!

FTSOJ!

Chris Benoit: Killing in the name of.......Jesus!

Yes, boys and girls, the story of WWE wrestler Chris "The Rabid Wolverine" Benoit is one of murder, steroids, and Christ! Murder and Jesus go *way* back, but adding a pumped up brainless man-grappler to the mix just makes things so much more exciting.

Benoit, 40, strangled his wife to death on Friday, then suffocated his 7 year old son Daniel (More biblical feces! The plot thickens!) before hanging himself in his weight room on Monday. Boy, I bet those bodies were starting to stink. I wonder if old Chris had the decency to turn the thermostat down so his family's corpses wouldn't bloat. The best part of the story, though, is reported by Newsday.com:

"Pope said anabolic steroids were found in Benoit's home, although authorities believe he had a valid prescription. They also said that bibles were found beside the bodies of both Benoit's wife and son."

Bibles! Yes! We here at jesus-sucks-dick.com can only assume that Benoit killed his whole family because Jesus told him to. We're always pleased to hear about another killing in the name of your useless god. I only wish that he had been able to take out more of you fuckers before he offed himself. Is it too much to ask that he take out several churches with an Uzi on Sunday morning and *then* off himself on Monday? I mean, really. If you're going to kill for Jesus, KILL FOR JESUS. I am a little offended that Chris Benoit was so selfish as to only kill himself and two other Christians. I know, I know, I shouldn't complain. There are three less of them on the planet, and I should be satisfied with that.

I was also entertained by this little tidbit:

"Fayette County District Attorney Scott Ballard told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that the details of the incident may "prove a little bizarre" when they come out."

What's next? Are they going to say that Benoit also allowed Jesus to sodomize himself and his son prior to and then after their respective demises? I'd pay money to see *that* in a newspaper. We need more Christ on the cock - - in print and on television. If nothing else it might drum up some business for him. He's still only charging $5, and people just aren't needing his services like they used to. If you're interested in a nice maggot-filled blowjob from Jesus Christ himself, he can currently be found at Rex's house in Missouri. Look him up, he's getting lonely.

More on this story as it unfolds. As always, I'm shardborn for www.jesus-sucks-dick.com, your antichristian news leader.

FTSOJ!

Another one bites the dust!

Ruth Graham dead at age 87
Wife of famed evangelist gave up her own dreams to support his calling

MONTREAT, N.C. — Ruth Graham, the wife of evangelist Billy Graham, who supported her famous husband as he ministered to millions but whose approach to life dispelled the notion of the demure preacher's wife, has died. She was 87.

Graham died Thursday at her home in Montreat, N.C., surrounded by her husband and their five children, said a statement released by Larry Ross, Billy Graham's spokesman. She had been battling pneumonia and degenerative osteoarthritis.

"Without Ruth Graham, there wouldn't have been a Billy Graham," the couple's daughter Anne Graham Lotz said.

Well, then good. I'm only sorry the old whore didn't die sooner. Much sooner. She would have been a fantastic candidate for an abortion. Then there would have been no Billy Graham!

And what a wonderful thing that would be. Now if we could just get rid of the rest of them....

Motel patron uses Bible to set blazes

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. - The Bible does mention fire and brimstone — but nothing about motel rooms. Fire officials said a man set several small fires in a Best Western Heritage Inn motel room May 27, using pages from a Bible as kindling.

Fire investigators on Thursday arrested Richard McCoy, 37, on charges of aggravated arson and vandalism.

They said McCoy disconnected the room's smoke alarm to delay detection and endangered other motel guests.

No one was injured as a result of the biblical blazes, and the fires had already burned themselves out when firefighters arrived.

Fire Department spokesman Bruce Garner said the small fires were confined to one room and caused about $5,000 in damage. He said an investigation is ongoing.

McCoy on Thursday was judged mentally competent to stand trial and is being held at the Hamilton County Jail.

I think this guy definitely has the right idea, but he didn't do near enough damage.....or use enough bibles. I would like to take up a collection to bail this wonderful gentleman out of the slammer and see what kind of damage he could do at the Gideons world headquarters in Boscobel, Wisconsin. Anyone want to donate? FTSOJ!

BREAK OUT THE BOOZE, FALWELL IS DEAD!

The Reverend Jerry Falwell, a leading US conservative evangelist, has died in a hospital in Virginia after being found unconscious in his office.

Doctors gave Mr Falwell emergency treatment at Lynchburg General Hospital but could not revive him.

We here at www.jesus-sucks-dick.com are gonna miss the crazy old fucker. After all, he's done more to further tarnish the less than sterling reputation of christianity than any modern christian alive or dead.

While we applaud his untimely death, you gotta admit the cocksucker was entertaining:

In 2002, he sparked anger across the Muslim world by calling the Prophet Muhammad a "terrorist". He later apologized.

Shortly after the 11 September 2001 attacks, he said that gays, atheists, civil-rights activists and legal abortions in the US had angered God and "helped this happen".

In 1999, he denounced the BBC TV children's show The Teletubbies, because he believed one character, Tinky Winky, was homosexual.

From 9/11 to Katrina, this whackjob has always had an off the wall comment that sent his followers into orgasm and the rest of the world to scratching their heads and wondering "What has this fucker been smoking?"

Goodbye Jerry.....you insane child molesting homosexual pedophile bastard!

Link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6659457.stm

THE ALGORITHM CONSTANTLY FINDS JESUS (sucking dick)

We did not invent the algorithm.
The algorithm consistently finds Jesus.
The algorithm killed Jeeves.
The algorithm is banned in China.
The algorithm is from Jersey.
The algorithm constantly finds Jesus.

After encountering some sort of viral marketing campaign from Xkcd's blag, I felt it necessary to further interrupt jesus' salad tossing of the ask company, and put him on the spot here on why he's sucking jeeves' dick in Jersey. Maybe the cocksucker can manage to keep a dick out of his mouth long enough to speak without using only vowels.

Who'd win in a competition of dick sucking?

Britney Spears with the violet tornado technique
19% (15 votes)
The Anti Christ with the "I'll suck till you roast in hell." attitude?
6% (5 votes)
Michael Moore with his fast food frenzy fruitopia suck
6% (5 votes)
Stuck in a corner with jesus having you tied up and spanking your ass as he sucks your dick?
44% (34 votes)
Any whore from the local convent with no experience.
24% (19 votes)
Total votes: 78

Take that you slanty eyed cock sucker!!

That'll teach em for eating Free Willy!

Mar. 13 - A Japanese fisherman drowns as an attempt to rescue a stranded sperm whale goes wrong. Japanese television captured the moment when the 10-metre-long animal sent his three would-be rescuers flying into the water, drowning one of them.

Video here... look at that yellow nigga fly! http://www.reuters.com/news/video/videoStory?videoId=22797

BRITNEY SPEARS IS THE ANTICHRIST!

News of the World is reporting that Britney Spears drew 666 on her head and ran around her rehab center screaming "I AM THE ANTICHRIST!"

I am inclined to believe that this isn't true. She is *not* the antichrist. While Britney is a stupid, filthy whore.....I doubt that she has any sort of staying power. The true antichrist needs to be able to suck more cock than Jesus....and I think Britney's 15 minutes are about up.

Man, I hope this bitch succeeds in offing herself. What a great boon to society that would be.

Full Story here: http://www.londonnet.co.uk/entertainment/2007/Mar/5094_20070305.php

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