Chris Benoit: Killing in the name of.......Jesus!

Yes, boys and girls, the story of WWE wrestler Chris "The Rabid Wolverine" Benoit is one of murder, steroids, and Christ! Murder and Jesus go *way* back, but adding a pumped up brainless man-grappler to the mix just makes things so much more exciting.

Benoit, 40, strangled his wife to death on Friday, then suffocated his 7 year old son Daniel (More biblical feces! The plot thickens!) before hanging himself in his weight room on Monday. Boy, I bet those bodies were starting to stink. I wonder if old Chris had the decency to turn the thermostat down so his family's corpses wouldn't bloat. The best part of the story, though, is reported by Newsday.com:

"Pope said anabolic steroids were found in Benoit's home, although authorities believe he had a valid prescription. They also said that bibles were found beside the bodies of both Benoit's wife and son."

Bibles! Yes! We here at jesus-sucks-dick.com can only assume that Benoit killed his whole family because Jesus told him to. We're always pleased to hear about another killing in the name of your useless god. I only wish that he had been able to take out more of you fuckers before he offed himself. Is it too much to ask that he take out several churches with an Uzi on Sunday morning and *then* off himself on Monday? I mean, really. If you're going to kill for Jesus, KILL FOR JESUS. I am a little offended that Chris Benoit was so selfish as to only kill himself and two other Christians. I know, I know, I shouldn't complain. There are three less of them on the planet, and I should be satisfied with that.

I was also entertained by this little tidbit:

"Fayette County District Attorney Scott Ballard told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that the details of the incident may "prove a little bizarre" when they come out."

What's next? Are they going to say that Benoit also allowed Jesus to sodomize himself and his son prior to and then after their respective demises? I'd pay money to see *that* in a newspaper. We need more Christ on the cock - - in print and on television. If nothing else it might drum up some business for him. He's still only charging $5, and people just aren't needing his services like they used to. If you're interested in a nice maggot-filled blowjob from Jesus Christ himself, he can currently be found at Rex's house in Missouri. Look him up, he's getting lonely.

More on this story as it unfolds. As always, I'm shardborn for www.jesus-sucks-dick.com, your antichristian news leader.

FTSOJ!