Gibson builds church, women repressed, Jesus still sucks dick

In another "just like jesus" story, this site is reporting that Mel Gibson is building a 37 million dollar church in the hills of Malibu, California. Here is our exclusive interview with Mr. Gibson as he tells all about jesus, his particular brand of catholicism, and Tom Cruise!

S: Welcome to www.jesus-sucks-dick.com, Mr. Gibson.
MG: Thank you, shardborn. I've been a huge fan of the #JSD website for years now. Loved your Mother Teresa exposé.
S: So, Mr. Gibson, can you tell us a little bit about this church that you're spending so much money on?
MG: Well...off the record?
S: Of course.
MG: I had an epiphany about those fucking Jews when I was filming "Passion". I decided right then and there that one movie about how horrible they are wasn't enough, and that I needed a platform upon which I could launch a whole anti-jew agenda. I'm going to be like Hitler, but pseudo-australian and better looking. We're going to finish the job! I can't get movies made because of those fucking hymies! The last two films I pitched, "Oven-dodgers must die" and "Auschwitz: The Musical" were shot down before I could even close my mouth! What a bunch of shit!
S: And on the record?
MG: Oh, I just want to have a nice, family church where people can love Jesus with all their hearts and practice Mel Gibson(™) brand Catholicism. We're not really that much different from any other Jesus loving Latin ritual based religion.
S: A lot has been made of your treatment of women - namely...forcing them to wear veils and long skirts. What would you like to tell potential followers about that?
MG: Listen. Jesus sucked dick. You know it, I know it.....hell, by now everyone should know it. The fact that I'm allowing those whores into my church at all should show what a fucking humanitarian I am. Women are just disgusting! They bleed all over my pews. I'm considering having a separate room for them to worship in.....one with an absorbent floor to catch all of their filthy menstrual blood.
S: Don't you need women to make more followers, though?
MG: Yeah, but I'm looking into changing that. We're going to get a whole shitload of donated eggs, put 'em in a bank, and just make more followers when we need them. That way, men can fuck little boys just like Jesus intended.
S: And what would you tell possible converts who want to molest little girls?
MG: That's just DISGUSTING, shardborn! I can't believe you would DARE to suggest such a thing! If you make one more reference to ANY man having ANY TYPE of intercourse with ANY female, this interview is over. Jesus taught that underage boys are the only approved sexual outlet, and that's that.
S: Aren't you married, Mr. Gibson?
MG: It's all for show, you fuckwit! Look at my words, not my actions!
S: I see.
S: Quite a bit has been made lately about Tom Cruise and Scientology. What are your thoughts?
MG: Oh, fuck that bastard. I know that sooner or later there's going to be a Mel vs. Tom holy war, and I assure you that we're going to win. We have Jesus and cocks on our side, all he has is the rotting corpse of L. Ron Hubbard and fake aliens! I know the head of the Scientology church said that Cruise is the messiah, but we have the REAL Messiah! And he sucks our penises!
S: Well, I think that's about all the time we have for today. I'd like to thank our guest, Mel Gibson, for his time.
MG: Thank you, shardborn.

Shortly after this interview took place, Mel Gibson filled a solid gold toilet bowl with his own vomit, a bottle of vodka, and some maraschino cherries.... and proceeded to eat it. During his meal, he demanded that I not reveal the location of the church (which would be impossible as he never told me where it is) and that I join him for lunch. I politely refused.

He then shit on me and called me a "fucking jewbag". I attempted to explain to him that I just don't care for vodka, but he wouldn't hear any of it. He launched into a tirade about how I was responsible for all of the wars in the world, and that just because his puke wasn't kosher was no reason for a hooked-nose kike bastard like myself not to eat it. He then proclaimed himself Lord of the Universe and stabbed his testicles several times with a steak knife.

I will never interview Mel Gibson again.

The things I do for this fucking website.

As always, I'm shardborn for www.jesus-sucks-dick.com, your antichristian news leader.

Comments

Gibson

I knew that Gibson was a sick cookie. You might want to get a tetanus shot after meeting with that mystic-minded monster.