Mother Teresa's secret!

As reported on cbsnews.com, letters written by the Whore of Calcutta have been unearthed! We here at www.jesus-sucks-dick.com have obtained EXCLUSIVE access to *all* of these personal diaries and correspondence.....and here are the good parts they won't show you in the news!

"July 23, 1948 - I am so fucking tired of these ungrateful poor motherfuckers! When I signed up to be a goddamn nun, I thought I was going to get some hot priest cock....but it turns out all of those fucks are busy with the altar boys and don't have time for some hot russkie action! I should have been a stripper...."

"November 14, 1950 - "Oh, I'm dying, I'm dying!" SHUT THE FUCK UP! Why do these people have to be such fucking whiners? The other day I was changing bandages on a leper who had lost his entire cock and balls to the disease, and he's screaming "IT HURTS! Please! Help me, sister!" ....What the fuck do you want me to do, asshole? Suck you off? I mean, holy shit! I tried to sew a carrot and a couple of baby potatoes into his ragged hole, but the hungry fucking children ripped them off and ate them. Little bastards! Am I destined to be a doormat for the rest of my life? What I wouldn't give for a throbbing cock in my ass...."

"August 8, 1966 - I hear there's a war going on in some zipperhead country called Vietnam.....I wonder if I could get a transfer. I've been getting reports that they have some great weed over there, and I've been told that those American negros have huge dicks. I'm still relatively good looking, and I bet those GIs could use a little action. I know I could....I wouldn't even charge for it! Here, GI! Let me tend to your wounds! Oh, it looks like you have something hard in your fatigues, sergeant....do you think I should check it out? Mmmmm yeah, I could totally get into that shit..."

"March 2, 1983 - Oh, god DAMN. I had a heart attack! This is the best news I've had in years! Maybe it's finally time for me to check out of this motherfucker..."

"August 30, 1989 - Another fucking heart attack....Why can't I just DIE? Maybe I should think about killing myself..."

"May 18, 1991 - Pneumonia, and another heart attack. Now you're just being a fucking prick, God!"

"April 1, 1996 - I broke my fucking collarbone! What the FUCK? I'm old! Let me die, you son of a bitch!"

"August 12, 1996 - Malaria....and heart failure! THIS is the thanks I get? I hate to think of the shit you do to people you DON'T like, you assclown! Fuck you, God! FUCK YOU!

"December 25, 1996 - It's Jesus's goddamn birthday, and here I am piss drunk and ministering to 300 little Indian brats.... Why the hell don't I ever get any time off? It's a fucking holiday! I should at least have a couple of hours to myself with a copy of the Sears catalog so I can bring this dusty old cunt to orgasm one last time this year! I'm 86 years old, for Christ's sake!..."

"September 5, 1997 - *gasp* *gasp* *send.......cock.........need............* *gasp* *facial......gasp* Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhh......."

And here are a couple of letters:

August 6, 1953

"Dear Archbishop Kolodiejchuk - I've been hearing stories coming out of the Vatican that are disconcerting to say the least. I understand that Jesus has been seen there sucking off every male clergyman in the entire city. When is the Saviour of all mankind going to come on over to India and give a girl some lovin'? I mean, you're not going to tell me that my Lord is some kind of fucking faggot, are you? That kind of shit could make a bitch lose her faith! I'm enjoying the celebrity shit, and the thought of you fuckers making me a saint after I croak ain't a bad gig....but I don't munch no carpet, and all the men in India seem interested in is dancing around like fairies and shoveling curry into their unwashed asses. I'm married to the LORD, and you'd better get his ass down here to fuck me good.....or I'm out of here."

I'm not fucking kidding.

-Terri

Sadly, the good archbishop never wrote her back, and like the doormat she was "Mother" Teresa just kept on. Here's an interesting letter she sent to the pope when she was having a crisis of the faith:

October 31, 1975

"Dear Pope Paul VI - I'm done with your shitbag of a god. I actually read the bible today, and I can't fathom how you motherfuckers believe this horseshit. I love the infant dashing and the incest, but the whole New Testament is a total load of dung! I can't believe that I have washed peoples' ASSES for this fucking religion! I have to believe in Jesus because I've seen the line in the Vatican washroom.....half the fucking men in Europe lined up, waving 5 bucks....and waiting their turn for that fat, hairy cumdumpster! What's so great about the way that bastard sucks cock? Hell, *I'd* suck every cock in Europe if it'd get me out of India. This place is a goddamn cesspool. I hate India. I hate Indians. What the fuck am I doing here? I've been taking care of diseased and dying motherfuckers for almost 30 years now! Why don't you ever answer my mail? I'm fantastic press for you, asshole! I could just walk out! I'm going to do it if you don't answer me. I swear to you, I'm not going to die some toothless 87 year old hag in this fucking country! I'm not!"

You'd better send me some cash and a muscular guy with a huge cock straightaway.

-Terri

P.S. - You'd better burn these letters.....I can't fathom what would happen if those assholes at www.jesus-sucks-dick.com got a hold of them....

As always, I'm shardborn for www.jesus-sucks-dick.com, your antichristian news leader.